God is a Manc

At the dawn of time before it all began

Before stars and comets

Before the B of the Bang

Before Moisture ether bone and tooth

Before Jesus Mary Joseph the truth

Before creation civilisation

Before the dawn of man

God was putting the final touches to his master plan

But scratching his head and drawing all he could muster

He contemplated the task of building Manchester




Its humans

He was paving the pathways and shaping the future

He concluded that Manchester was the most difficult of task

So he rested for a week and like the wedding of Canaan

He saved the best till last

His blood sweat and tears

Gave him an idea

To keep Manchester moist for the majority of the year





No, he decided the most appropriate place was the north west of England

Thirty miles from the ocean and by the side of the pennies

Location sussed by quarter past nine

When it came to culture, God left Manchester to itself

Through natural selection the city would develop its own artistic and literary wealth

And that music theatre dance and art

Would flow naturally like blood through every man and woman’s heart

And that working hard was of utmost importance

But so’s a game of footy on a Saturday morning

So by ten o clock the quandary was solved

He’d let Manchester culture slowly evolved

But he did give Manchester one little gift

In the form of a riff and in the form of the quiff

By digging deep and thinking hard

The god given gift to Manchester was Morrissey and Marr

When it came to industry the  rain was important

To generate industrial energy by simply using water

So that reservoirs, rivers canals and streams

Would fuel the way to the industrial dream

And the things that die are the things that rise

Like the sun, his son and the soul

So he ensured that underground was seam after seam of coal

So in our back yard and falling from the sky was a natural energy solution

Acting as a catalyst to the industrial revolution

Factories, mills and mines made manc the chimney of the world

To provide employment for man woman boy and girl

For some there’d be fun and for others there’d be sorrow

But what happened in Manchester today

Happens in the rest of the world tomorrow

Exhilarated, exhausted but jubilant

God knew he was onto a winner

He’d created the basic fabric of the city

So he decided to take an early dinner

And with hindsight he’d reserved the afternoon for the most difficult of task bar none

He’d be working late and maybe overtime

Inventing the Manchester of man

After pie chips and gravy and an ice-cold diet coke

HE contemplated

Ummed and aahhed over the peculiar but complex bloke

He focused on the working class

For the middle class he just didn’t have the time

Cos if you trn your back on them they’d rob you and when you turn back they’d be stood there with a smile

He made the Manchester man honest, smart, cunning and brave

Who’d do anything for anyone at any time of day

He made them honourable trusting, chivalrous, loyal, hardworking

And a man who truly loved his kids

Intelligent instinctive, in tune, intuitive

He’d prefer to never take but give

He made him handsome rugged, thoughtful artistic and musically refined

A touch of Rebel without a cause whose in touch with his feminine side

He made him articulate, loving romantic, enchanting, soft to the touch and carrying a smile

Softly spoken, emotionally open an enigma


Genetics sorted

Character defined

A god exhausted but it was quarter to nine

Proud of his creation and of his Manchester man

He rested and suppered

With an ice cold can

When sleeping that night

Cos all gods have to dream

He remembered an earlier plan involving Adam Eve

A serpent an apple and an original sin

So he took his plans for the Manchester man were placed in the bin

From my catholic upbringing

From my Sundays in mass

The hours I spent in my RE class

The questioning, the quandaries the total confusion

Has helped me arrive at a unique conclusion

That God is a Manc

And Mary’s from Gorton

Jesus and Joseph were both born in Moston

Judas Iscariot’s from London – well Luton

He came here to leach when he was a student

The 12 apostles were the original Manchester scuttlers

St Peter from Ancoats

St Paul from Crumpsall

Mary of Magdalene worked on Clayton Vale

She once lived in Lightbowne but then moved to Sale

The three wise men were from Wythenshawe

Benchill, Baguley and Woodhouse Park

They guys who flanked Jesus as he died on the cross

Were from Claremont Rd in the heart of the Moss

Golgotha was the hill at the top of Heaton Park

And the swollen Mersey is where Noah launched the ark

The bible is a wonderful read

But not a book everyone believes

So when I read between the lines

My theological conclusion

Is that God the creator is a Mancunian